What Geeky Women Are Doing Now

Posted by ubergeeke on September 10th, 2008 in blogpost

[This is Part 3 - the conclusion - of a three-part article by Gloria W.  If you missed them, check the Recent Posts sidebar on the right for Parts 1 and 2. Many thanks to Gloria for submitting this piece to dotFiveOne, your Geekspace for Women.]

Crossing into Turd Territory: Way Beyond Oblivious

There are more occasions than there should be where women deal with men who simply do not care about consent, offense, permission, equality, etc. There are web sites dedicated to the recounting of non-consensual run-ins with complete and potentially dangerous idiots (http://hollabacknyc.blogspot.com/). There are organizations dedicated to getting women home safely late at night (http://www.rightrides.org/). The New York City MTA is working on a series of ads, similar to the ones in Boston, reminding people that inappropriate touch on the subway is illegal. These ads were strongly encouraged  by women’s groups, and are finally getting some airplay.

With all of this time, energy and money spent on women’s safety in public places, one would think that the need for women to feel safe and comfortable at work would be an obvious need. Some men don’t realize this, since they do not deal with constant levels of invasion of privacy and safety, and no one in their lives has enlightened them to these facts. Oblivious men usually grok it all when it’s shown and explained to them.

Then there are the true Turds. The men who don’t care if a woman is a willing participant or not in their vomit-inducing fantasies are the ones who cause the genuine problems. One thing that  oblivious guys should be aware of is that some women do not have the time or patience to distinguish the finer differences between true oblivion and asshole behavior.  Here are ways in which men can be less oblivious and more aware of unwittingly crossing into Turd territory.

For the Men Who Care

1. Body related comments, even good ones, just plain old suck. We get them all day, mostly from pure assholes who are often quite ugly, uncreative, and socially challenged. For this reason, when an oblivious guy says “Nice dress” to a woman at work, we are very likely to assume is that you’re yet another asshole. If I haven’t motivated you away from the “Nice dress” comment thus far, this should do it. If it’s not stated in a certain acceptable way, this is a certain way to be mislabeled.
2. Special treatment is not required. Equal treatment is preferred. Offensive treatment includes anything with the intent to objectify without a person’s consent.
3. If/when you mess up or miscommunicate, apologize straight away. It happens. We all miscommunicate. Fix it fast, and move on.
4. Yes, dating at work happens. But it probably should be done with great care, so approach it gingerly.

Signs of true Turds: Detecting subhuman jerks who don’t care

1. A Turd usually either cannot or does not want to see the difference between his fantasy and your reality.
2. He doesn’t care if his fantasy is offensive, or infringes on any of your rights. In his mind, you have no rights, since you are simply an object, present for his enjoyment.
3. He is delusional, usually too self-important and ego driven.
4. He resorts to trying to steal everything he hopes for, because he is too stupid and uncreative to work for it. For example, a woman’s time and attention is taken from her at work and wasted, because the Turd cannot earn her time and attention through discussion and healthy discourse.
5. He most likely looks at himself in the mirror from the neck up, if he uses one at all. He does not see himself as he truly is, either inside or out.
6. He tries to have sex with women at work because there is no other situation in his life where he will ever be in the proximity of sane women.
7. He promotes you only if there is something in it for him. Even if it’s not sex, it could be in the form of a bit too much attention, or dinner dates to be seen in public with you, or something less obvious but still ego-boosting for him.
8. He has a long list, and high turnover of women whom have maneuvered around him, and left his division for other groups in the company, or have left the company altogether.
9. The list could go on. Insert yours here.

Conclusion

I don’t think these issues will ever be cleanly summed up in any way. And it does seem that assholes will always be present throughout society, irrespective of education and socio-economic background. One thing that all successful women seem to have in common is that they cleverly dodge and completely ignore people who try to get in their way. They are impervious forces, moving in the directions they wish, doing outstanding work in their fields of expertise. No uncreative sexist idiot can win against such a force, so they are left in the dust. For the persistent uncreative sexist idiots, there are laws, and great opportunities to hold them legally accountable.

Once again, thanks to my many friends for the encouragement to keep writing about this issue, and thanks to dotFiveOne for giving this article a home.

Related posts:

1. How Far Have We Evolved Past This? One Year Later - by Gloria W.
2. Part 2: How Far Have We Evolved Past This? - By Gloria W.
3. Mary Spio: Rocket Scientist, Entrepreneur & Media Mastermind
4. Geek of the Week: S. Khrystyne Keane, K1SFA
5. Just In Time: Ada Lovelace Day

Related Posts

Related posts:

1. How Far Have We Evolved Past This? One Year Later - by Gloria W.
2. Part 2: How Far Have We Evolved Past This? - By Gloria W.
3. Mary Spio: Rocket Scientist, Entrepreneur & Media Mastermind
4. Geek of the Week: S. Khrystyne Keane, K1SFA
5. Just In Time: Ada Lovelace Day